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“My Memorial Day Weekend Is F*cked”

Big plans for the weekend, not to party, but to get work done. Those were quickly crumbling around me. Everything was going wrong. Pool leaking, water spraying all over, all my part orders delayed, all my plans RUINED.

SO PISSED

But then something clicked in my mind. I won’t let this weekend be a failure. I won’t let myself be a failure. No matter what, SOMETHING HAS TO GET DONE.

My anger became my fuel

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever gotten pissed off at something to the point where you put your head down & then knocked it out of the park? Maybe even done better than if you had attacked it in a good mood?

Ever wonder why this happens with anger? Me too

So, I did some research to help understand the benefits of anger and how you can learn to use it the right way to be successful with your goals

What is Anger?

We’ll start with this great chart below that I stole from the National Institute for Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine. aka, I’m not a doctor so I’ll let smart people try to explain this for me

The one thing I don’t like about this chart, though, is that it only focuses on the negative impacts and negative chemicals that feelings of anger release (Cortisol). It neglects the POWER of Adrenaline & Noradrenaline. Adrenaline & Noradrenaline are the key components of your body’s acute stress response.

Also, known as your fight or flight response.

This response is helps deal with potential danger by increasing the focus & ability both your mind and your body. Check out the summary below from ClevelandClinic.org on the impacts of the fight-or-flight response has on your body.

• Eyes: Pupils dilate to let more light in to better see more of your surroundings.

• Skin: Skin turns pale as blood vessels receive a signal to divert blood to areas more in need of your blood’s oxygen, such as your muscles, so you can fight or run away.

• Heart: Heart pumps harder and faster to deliver more oxygenated blood to areas most in need, like your muscles. Blood pressure also increases.

• Muscles: Muscles receive more blood flow and oxygen so they can react with greater strength and speed.

• Liver: Stored glycogen in your liver is converted to glucose to provide more energy.

• Airways: Breathing is deeper and faster. Your airways open up so more oxygen is delivered to your blood, which goes to your muscles.

Benefits of Anger?

Studies have been done to show that when anger is focused you truly can achieve more.

“AJ are you just saying ‘studies have shown’ without sharing any real sciene?!”

Nope!

Heather Lench, PhD, Noah Reed, BA, Tiffany George, PhD, Kaitlyn Kaiser, BA, and Sophie North, BS, Texas A&M University, published a study online in October 2023 to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that outlines how negative emotions, such as anger, can actually provide a better mental health, well being, and general life outcomes.

Below are some snippets from the press release article on the American Psychological Association website that summarize the findings from this study:

“Their study included more than 1,000 participants and survey data from 1,400 respondants. In each experiment, researchers elicited either an emotional response (such as anger, amusement, desire or sadness) or a neutral emotional state, and then presented participants with a challenging goal. …

Across all the experiments, anger improved people’s ability to reach their goals compared with a neutral condition in a variety of challenging situations. In some cases, it was associated with increased scores or shorter response times. In one experiment, it also increased cheating to achieve a better outcome. …

These findings demonstrate that anger increases effort toward attaining a desired goal, frequently resulting in greater success,” said Lench.“

So anger can make you smarter, better, faster, & stronger?!

You become a temporary super hero!

Or maybe a temporary super villain…

2 Ways to Handle Anger

Anger can manifest in 2 primary ways

1. Constructive (Super Hero)

   Protects you or those you care about. To be constructive you need to acknowledge & be self aware of why you are angry. Channel the anger in to understanding your situation. Then focus to take control of it.

2. Destructive (Super Villain) 

   Used to tear down. Does not care for those around you. Instead it can be used to hurt or destroy with no regard for the implications of your actions

That Uncle Ben was a pretty wise guy. Anger can become like a super power, but it is one you need to be very careful with. Too much anger is unhealthy. Destructive anger is unhealthy. Just like in the comics - there is a fine line to walk between hero & villain

But then that raises the question, what can be done?

5 Steps to Focus Anger

I always hate when people say “just calm down” or “take a deep breath & relax”

Nothing is more infuriating when you’re angry and honestly after this past weekend I realize that it’s really not the best way. I have my “AJ rules of life” that are up on my white board at work. One in particular comes in to play here

1. Acknowledge

   Sounds dumb, but yes, you have to be self-aware that you’re angry about SOMETHING. It’s like saying “first step is admitting I have a problem”. In this case it’s anger

2. Identify

   What is bothering you? I’ve gone as far as writing it down on a sheet of paper. Take that shit & make the visceral visible.

3. Understand

   Step 2 is about the WHAT. This step is about the WHY and this can be super hard. This is where you REALLY need to step back and do some self reflection. View your problem from the stance of extreme accountability. You are the reason for your emotions. so what is bothering YOU

4. Outline

   When you understand WHAT is bothering you and WHY you start to build your action plan. Think outside the box, what options do you have? What do you have CONTROL over that you could quickly act on? What are things you need to ACCOUNT for to be able to act?

   You’re about to become a super hero with great strength & focus. How could you apply that to go kick some ass??

5. Act or Accept

   Here there’s actually 2 main things that can happen at this stage. Once you’ve identified & outlined, if you have a viable plan go ACT on it. Drop anything that doesn’t matter, channel your inner John Wick & go get that shit done!!

   That is the more exciting answer, but you also need to understand the flip side of this. It’s human nature to need to TRY. To feel like you’re doing something and not just sitting idle. There are times, though, when after you assess all options that there might not be steps to take.

   THAT’s OK

   The best action to take here is to understand your list of What & Why and make sure to better handle in the future. Learn that level of extreme accountability, own it, and be ready to CRUSH your enemies next time!

No matter what, one of the best things you can do is self reflect. Use these 5 steps even after things are all said and done so you can have a better PLAN and better CONTROL over your situation in the future.

I’ll end this week’s newsletter with some final thoughts from one of the world’s most notoriously angry individuals..

The Incredible Hulk

Bruce Banner talking to Betsy Ross about his out of control rage monster:

"What are you saying? You think you can control it?"
"No, no, no, not control it, but, I don't know, maybe aim it."

Now, go aim your anger and smash your goals!

One Final Thing! 👋

I really love hearing from you guys and am always looking for feedback. How am I doing with this newsletter? Is there anything you’d like to hear me talk more (or less) about? Which aspects of the newsletter do you enjoy the most?

Hit reply and even just say hi!

I’d love to hear from you & I respond to every email!

Thanks for reading!

~ A.J. Zampella ✌️

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Little about who I am and what I’m here to do:

15 years in tech & 20 years as a DJ

Mid-career professional trying to thrive in work and life

I spend 100s of hours figuring it out so you can learn in <5 minutes a week!

Other Interesting Things Around the Web I do:

• Free DJ Sets/Mixes on Soundcloud - Yes I still DJ pretty often too

• #AJsBookClub - Big Book Guy. We talk about “success focused books”

• Grim & Grind - My clothing line, all things Creepy & Caffeinated